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41

I didn’t really ask permission to walk to the beach. I just told him without looking at him.

“I’m going to go for a walk on the beach,” I blurted.

Rowan tried to slide from the bed, but her dad stopped her with an arm over her torso. “I want to go to, Daddy.”

“No, you stay here. Mommy needs some time to think about things. She has a lot of stuff she needs to remember really fast.”

I walked away with that. Rowan’s focus left princess Anna and moved to a movie I shouldn’t have let her see. I watched it with her. It was a cute movie with no language or nudity, but it was still PG-13. I was sure I would hear about it from Paxton.

The stupid boot on my foot was like walking in quick sand on the beach. As soon as I was out of Paxton’s sight, I took it off and enjoyed the feel of warm sand on my feet. The air was cool with a soft breeze, and the sun warmed my face. A sense of wellbeing swept over me with the light breeze, and I didn’t know what I felt. My feelings betrayed me, and I never knew what to expect. I strolled along the beach in ankle-deep seawater, trying to make sense of it all. Of anything.

One thing was for sure. Paxton’s feelings betrayed him, too. I could see it in the conflicted way he looked at me. I could feel it in the way he touched me. The way he kissed me, and the way we both seemed to be fighting it. I didn’t even like the man. Why? Pfft, everybody should fall in love when they don’t remember anything.

I glanced around at the houses in the distance, the pier up ahead, and the endless ocean. The power of the water felt familiar, but that was it. I didn’t recall anything else, but I was drawn to a rocky point. That’s the direction I went, hoping to find something to believe in. The boulders had a path of seawater flowing through them in a zigzag, and I made my way through the maze. A noticeable change in the temperature cooled my skin until I climbed up the middle rock, the safest of the clump.

The sun was high. Warm on my face with a clear blue sky. I inhaled the magnificent ocean with closed eyes, taking it all in, smelling brine and hearing the echoing caw of seagulls overhead.

“I knew you’d find your way back here,” an unfamiliar voice said from behind.

My relaxed posture stiffened and I was pulled from my meditated state. “Oh, hey. Um…Lane.”

“Yep, Lane.”

“Right, Candace’s husband. How are you?” I asked. A bit of adrenalin burst into my bloodstream, but I wasn’t sure why.

Lane laughed. “Yeah, I’m Candace’s husband.”

“It’s obvious that you want me to remember something that I don’t. I’m sorry. I’m not understanding what your deal is with me.”

“Of course not, and it sucks. You were so close, Gabby. So close.”

“So close to what?”

“Does it matter? How are things? Are you okay?”

“What things? Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

“Forget it. You know where I live if you need me. Have a good evening, Gabby,” Lane sadly said, eyes squinting from the sun. He nodded a goodbye and jogged away.

I had nothing to come back with. What the hell was that all about? I was so close? Close to what? I scratched my head and looked over the rocks at Lane, continuing his slow run. Confused as hell, I snorted a puff of air, frustrated with the whole damn thing. It’s one thing to have a brain injury, to not remember who you are. It’s another when you can’t even get the answers to simple questions. Sometimes, I felt like everyone wanted to keep something hidden from me. Other times, I was certain they were protecting me. But from what?

 

~~

Paxton and the girls were in the kitchen eating ice cream when I returned. Our eyes instantly met, and we tried to look away without the other one noticing. We failed. Our eyes did that on their own. I know I didn’t have any control over it. I didn’t even want to like the guy.

“I wanted to go for a walk with you,” Ophelia whined in a pout.

“We’ll walk tomorrow. Maybe we’ll have a picnic on the beach. I found some really cool rocks you guys can climb on.”

Ophelia and Rowan giggled.

Paxton rolled his eyes, unamused. “You go there all the time. The girl’s aren’t allowed to climb on those rocks.”

I frowned, wondering why. A little kid would have a blast on those rocks. Surely we did it behind his back. I didn’t comment. It wouldn’t matter what I thought. Paxton was the boss. Paxton was King of his castle.

“I’m going to grab a shower. Finish up so you can get yours, too, girls,” I said with a kiss to the back of each of their heads.

Paxton followed me out, stopping me just outside the door. “You need to ask me first.”

“Ask you what?” I asked, eyes darting right to his. Ugh. I even asked in a seductive tone. What the hell?

“If you can shower.”

“I’m not going to do that, Paxton.”

“Then I’m going to beat your ass.”

“Darn,” I sarcastically said, and stomped away. Yup, I poured fuel on the fire and I didn’t know why. I was possessed around the man. That was the only explanation.

Needless to say, I still didn’t get to find out what I had written. Not one clue. Paxton worked in his office and the girls and I watched a Disney movie and colored a princess. I could see Paxton on my left behind his desk, door open

“I like this mommy better,” Rowan nonchalantly said without looking up from her page.

Of course my eyes went right to Paxton. Yup. He heard it, too. “You do? What do you mean?” I questioned in the same laid-back tone that she used, trying not to make a big deal about it.

“You didn’t never color with us before.”

“I didn’t?”

“Uh-uh. Did she, Phi?”

“Nope, and you didn’t wake us up with Mr. Shark either,” Ophelia helped. She never looked up from her page on the coffee table, either. A green crayon colored vigorously out of the lines.

“That’s a pig,” I said with twisted eyebrows.

“But his name is Mr. Shark,” she explained with great determination. Like I should have known that.

“Oh, gotcha.”

“Bedtime, ladybugs,” Paxton called from his office. He stood to tuck them in and they both complained. They needed to finish their pictures.

“Let’s go. Candace brought you a new book,” I said, bribing them with entertainment.

“It’s not a new book,” Paxton cockily said as if he found pleasure in putting me in my place. I didn’t know. She didn’t say anything. She just shoved it in my hand and said she had to go.

“Okay?” I replied with a question. I couldn’t read his mind. Geesh.

“It’s their book club book. It’s your job to order the books. You’re supposed to pass them out on Sunday nights. You know. Since you’re the only mother in the neighborhood that doesn’t work,” he smartly said. Like my job of being his wife was less adequate than his landscaping business. I should have gotten paid a thousand bucks a day for putting up with his narcissistic ass.

“Then me and Phi, and Collin, and Chance have a circle day, and eat cake,” Ophelia explained.

“They’re in a neighborhood book club? Why?”

“Pick up the crayons, Rowan. Bedtime,” Paxton said while he looked at me with annoyance. “Because they’re kids. They need stimulation.”

“So do I, but not twenty-four-seven.”

“S.T.O. P.”

He didn’t say it, but I read it loud and clear. Every letter that he mouthed to me.

“Sorry, but I don’t think all this stimulation is necessary. Let’s go Clydes.”

“Clydes? What the hell is that? You know what? Never mind. Forget it. I don’t even care. Come on Phi, I mean Ophelia. Clean up.”

“Daddy has to do it then you,” Ophelia explained to me. I only knew what she meant by osmosis. Every night that I had been there so far, he put them to bed, and I came after him.

“Let’s go read in one bed or the other, though,” I countered.

“Well, we don’t do it like that. You have to read it to me first because it’s my turn,” Rowan said, serious expression to match the explanation. Spitting image of her father. Rowan would, no doubt, grow up to be a leader.

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Woodruff Jettie - Suit Suit
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